Drac is now in cambridge. Following facts ahve been learned:

1. my right neighbour is a young man called Simon and looks suspiciously like a geek. Met him just as he was heading off for the winter.

2. Cambridge roads are even worse than I anticipated - getting to the estate agents took about half an hour to do 1 mile.

3. Since I looked at it, mobile internet has become practical. Now admitidly last time I looked was about 3-4 years ago when you were stuck with a 12 month contract paying £35 a month with a shite data cap. For some reason I hadn't expected things to progress, but was very happy to be told on my last day of work "oh no, you can get PAYG ones now for £15 a month." Hence I am able to post this, thanks to O2, tesco and £15. This makes me happy and is a useful thing to know.

4. Having a tesco right next to where i live is going to be really handy. I should invest in a clubcard.

5. Turning onto my close involves going up a half foot hill. This hill is currently covered in ice. Slowing down resulting in being unable to get up the hill. Getting into my home requires confidence, and sticking your foot to the floor.

6. I already have a MAN fridge, it is full of booze. Sadly it is smirnof ice, as tesco had it for pennys. Better alcohol arrive tomorrow.

7. My bedroom has a motherfucking chandeleer!

OK, fast approaching final edit. And then? I will worry about that when I come to it.

Meanwhile, at last it is beginning to feel like a special time. Another visit to a beautiful cottage, this time in Cambridge, with fields beyond and a night so dark and icy, we didn't even stop to gaze at the stars; inside waited pickettywitch, justicefallen, the every wondrous tadeous and other merry makers. There was mulled wine, Captain Nemo and several werewolves, there was a truly magical present waiting for me...what a lovely night!

I forgot to mention that recently larians and myself went to Rupert Goold's production of Turandot at the ENO. This was an awesome if ghoulish, rendition. Fantasy Orient became a bit Ravenloft, ruled by an Eastern Artemis who, at the opening of the opera, has slaughtered 30 suitors for failing to answer her riddles. Heads and cadavers wait in the kitchen of what appears to be a Chinese restaurant peopled by Elvis impersonators, golfers and Marilyn Manson. larians chuckled. 'This is Hell!' He said, caught up in the sheer grotesquerie, contrasted with which, the music was even sweeter.

Only fly in the ointment was the introduction of an unnecessary character, the writer. Pain in the bum, a case of trying too hard. Goold was fortunate that everything else was so exceptional. Similar to Rigoletto, I would be afraid to see another production in case it isn't as good. Absolutely inspiring.

A very blessed Yule to you all. We've got so much snow up here we're going to take Claire out sledging for the first time in her life (how do you Southerners do without it!?), we're also going to build a horned God and possibly Cthulhu as well!

Today is going to be a good day!

Due to being an obsessive monomaniac whose life comprises of one tunnel vision after another, I have not got a single chum's address. Nada. Rien. It's not that chums have been remiss, indeed, beautiful caffeine_fairy I am certain I got an email from you recently but I appear to have lost it, along with my keys, passport, work diary and mind.

The questions are many; Why am I of no use at all? What the heaving hell is actually wrong with me? I would like to blame it on drugs/alcohol/bad parenting but I was like this when the only dubious influence on our generation was Ribena.

It's the boooooooook. I am obsessed. I haven't even started properly editing yet, just chewing round the edges at it. I have to face the fact that it may not be any good at all, and I could be wasting my time. No, enough, I am putting the damn thing away. I will start again next week. Or tomorrow.

If you would like a proper card from me, I would love to send you one, so please take pity and send me your address by private email. If you're OK with whatever, I will send you an e-card.

The love's the same be the card real or virtual, and remember; Yes, I am an idiot, but I am your idiot.

XXXXXXXXX

Yoshikazu goes to work.

Total raised for the british legion: £251! Well worth 2 days of my colleges being unable to look at me without giggling.

Pics now available for those that demanded evidence!

( pics under the cut )

I have found myself in this strange human workplace called Atos Origin.

I am sat in from of a "computer" which is a strange box where you press buttons for letters and it makes different things appear on a second box. It has a thing called a "mouse" next to it, but the tail comes out the wrong end. Some form of strange talismancy.

I am to "code" solutions to "problem reports". This appears to be specifying in very simple terms exactly what this box is to do in certain situations. It seems the humans who originally "coded" the solution did it wrong. They were after all, only human.

I am actually finding it quite soothing, to think of the solution then express it in an unambigious form, it will be useful for dealing with future humans.

It is uncomfortably hot in here, the humans have something called "central heating" which keeps the building swelting no matter the outside temperature. I shall avoid informing Havocstan this, they might try to install it in the Kennel.

It appears Bushi are unusual here, they have been pointing devices called "cameras" at me that they claim will produce images on the "computer" tomorrow. I remain sceptical.

Finally, some time in which to update. Time has been a prescious commodity over the past week, shifting over to day work and the weekend away has meant I've not had a great deal of spare time to myself for things like this.

( Moz's birthday drinks )

( Pogues and assorted meats )

Right, better do some work, bloody hell the workshop is cold today!

So, I'm single

And I'm not beat up about it, i don't wont reams of comments commiserating, I've had a sorta feeling that it was inevitably failing long distance, but I wanted to let her make the choice.

I know she reads this, it doesnt change how I felt, how I still feel.

This doesn't really change any plans, short or long term that much.

There isn't a bad guy, its not really either of us's fault, and I full intend to still stay friends, and still visit York as and when money allows. Don't villanise either of us, please.

And as ever, I record the vivid ones, so:

My brother's back garden or a back garden I called my own, trees and fields to either side, but down at the bottom, the rain had turned half of it into a lake and this lake was teeming with life. I laughed with delight to see loads of frogs, toads, newts, fish, snakes and things I couldn't identify all moving through the water. Then other things started appearing, along the swampy bits at the edge. They were like puppy dinosaurs or strange mutated lizards the size of ponies. It was all very young. Some were cute though not beautiful, some had feet like those of pachyderms, and tortoise faces, they bunched into each other and scrambled slowly in their play... there was one with quills all over its head. I wondered if the quills were the origin of the missile thrown at me, because one managed it, a clumsy hopeless throw, some kind of dart spear thing that stuck in the mushy earth.

Somewhere else there was a hutch full of beasties. The only mammals were guinea pigs, I was alarmed I didn't have room to give them all a home. Back at the swamp I retired to a nearby field full of cows. One lifted its head and bellowed at my tom cat Ralik, 'I know you!' I went to find a polish engineer who had invented the greatest pencil sharpener ever. No, I had not been boozing or eating cheese before bedtime...

Strange dream after a beautiful weekend in Stroud with velvet_the_cat and Dan sans lj. The cotswolds are lovely, though not as lovely as our hosts who spoilt us to bits with wonderful hospitality. It reminds me of how much I have neglected friends I love. Work has eaten my life. Time for that to change.

I had a terrifying moment when purchasing shopping in Sainsbury's last night. I caught the eye of a perfectly grown-up lady carrying her clinking bags of shopping away and talking to the shop assistant in a perfectly grown-up, respectable, normal manner. And then realised I was looking at my reflection in the big plate-glass windows.

By all the gods, I'm a grown-up. When the fuck did that happen?

(Then I went home and set a Marktrap. That was fun :P)

Wah wah wah, I feel bollocks, wah wah.

Now that's over with, I thought I'd post some pictures of nice clothes and waffle on about clothing styles and designers I like. It cheers me up.

( Clothing and cut - What I like and why. )

This was sent to me courtesy of manindubai, nice one Dad! ;)

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2009/10/19/mensa-must-accept-bnp-members-says-equalities-commission/

Link explains it all, prepare for amusement. I'm not quite sure if it's trying to draw parallels with immigration policy but I'll just take it at face value for now.

Inspired by herecosyouare's post this morning here are some more reasons to listen to Porcupine Tree. I'm not usually in the habit of ramming bands down people's throats passionately screaming "OMG! Your life is not complete without this music!", as I know how annoying I find it most of the time. So take that as a marker of how good this band are to warrant this post.

( Copious amounts of awesome music in here! )

Yeah, it's half five in the morning and I've just driven to Sunderland and back. It was pretty neat, I'd forgotten how much I love randomly driving while listening to loud music and smoking. It gives me time to unwind, to think.

Physically, I'm doing pretty well at the moment, I'm certainly healthier than I have been for a while, I'm eating better (although not perfect :P) My skin, hair and nails are all good at the moment, so I'm looking pretty good.

I think, though, that I've been so busy doing things that I haven't stopped to think. I have this strange nervous energy, and as I sit here, at half five in the morning, finally alone for once, I can't help but fidget; messing with my hair, tapping my feet. I can't stay still.

I guess I'm doing a good job of treating the symptoms - SAD leaves me dog tired and achy all the time, so I'm getting plenty of hot showers and getting outdoors for walks. Pills help, and the other pills stop the stomach problems. My head is racing though, and I know the stomach problems would go away if only I could calm down for more than a few minutes at a time.

I'm just not sure what the cause is. Maybe things are just weighing on me, maybe SAD has found a new way to fuck me up. I feel kind of emotionally disconnected. I feel upset, like I want to cry, but I can't. I almost cried the other day, talking about break ups and the like, explaining that odd feeling of suddenly having to define yourself by yourself alone, and not by a relationship or another person. I'm pretty self-contained, confident, I don't need another person to define myself by but the memory of what it's like to allow another person into your life, to build something around them (even though it's kinda more risky than relying on yourself) that hope, only to watch it fall apart... I was surprised how raw that emotion felt. I suppose the crux of the matter is, I almost cried in front of people, and that's just a terrible thought.

Crying is not attractive, it's red-eyed and snotty, it's not controlled. I hate crying in front of people, I like to do it in the privacy of my room, away from possible intrusion. I guess I feel like I needed to cry there and then, but I bottled it up, and now it's not coming out as tears, but as nervousness, agitation. I guess I just hate having to admit that sometimes I need a hug, and someone to sit there and cheer me up even when I'm a disgusting mess of tears and snot.

Bleh. That all got a bit emo, but I suppose it is the early hours of the morning, and this is LJ.

I should end with something positive, so here goes: I found my green scarf yesterday, I like it a lot, and now I've dyed my hair brown again I can wear it without looking like an evil Christmas goblin. It is very soft, and warm.

Office total: £220.

So not only am I badgering up on Friday, I am also badgering up on Thursday.

Hilarity will ensue.

Well, my manuscript is finished.

Is it any good? Dunno. I love it of course, but I really need to stop staring at it now. It is short for a novel, again, and yet, every time I try to patch something in to eke it out, the effect is unsatisfactory. I like it as it is.

I say 'As it is.' Naturally it needs to be stripped of semi-colons and ellipses like everything else I write. But yes, I like it. I think. It's meant to be funny, is it? Nothing is funny after being poked around so long. There's no guarantee this will work, it may get absolutely nowhere. One can only try. God I'm tired.

No, time to stop. I need the discipline to leave it alone, if only for a week, then come back, edit, format etc...

Come on, Boot, stop. Stop. Sign out, log out, leave it alone, stop!

And breathe...

We have a gig tonight.

It's gonna be awesome!

I LIKE PLAYING ROCK MUSIC!!!